waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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