roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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