Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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