Im at strip club and am horny
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We were destined to go to rehab together
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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