the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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