We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
