i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
