I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Floor bacon is actually really good
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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