Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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