I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
