This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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