omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
