I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
