Me. At least after what I've been through.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
