So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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