So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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