Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
