p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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