Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
