I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
