can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
