Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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