I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
