You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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