just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
