You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
