After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
