I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
