from now on my penis is your penis
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
