yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
