Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
