ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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