you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
