U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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