You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
