I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
