Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
