oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
