woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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