I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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