Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
