I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
