It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
