my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
