her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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