so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just found a bag of teeth...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
