You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think a kid would responsible me up
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
