Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
