the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
