How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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