SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
