Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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