I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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