you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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