I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
